Pick Your Poison: Mushroom Mayhem

Rains this summer summoned up the shapely fruiting bodies of a wide variety of fungi and similar earthy goo, including toadstools and slime molds of various shapes and colors ... cream doll furniture, yellow jellied ears, spiny white golf balls, orange dog penises, black tumors, white coral. I don't know much about them; it's a brain void I hope to fill one day with mushroom stuffing. Yet, my recent attempts to infiltrate pure mycology were sidetracked by a troubling social phenomenon: People who know a little about wild mushrooms are using the internet to encourage those who know nothing about wild mushrooms to find and eat wild mushrooms.

Like a lot of people, I turn to the web when attempting to put names on things ... dragonflies, wildflowers, rocks, mammal tracks and scat. But only the mom-and-pop mushroom sites regularly encourage their readers to eat that which they are learning to identify. This could be unfortunate if the pupil makes a mistake and ends up in the ER, perhaps as a first step toward a liver transplant. Bon appetite! In fact, some sites regard the conservation, picking and eating of lawn fungi as a sort of duty. Stopping mycophobia and the tragedy of  senseless "toadstool kicking" is a real calling for some. The good folks at Urban Mushrooms exemplify this perspective, with comments like...

When folks who hate mushrooms see one in the forest, they can simply hike in the other direction. But when people who hate mushrooms see one growing in their lawns, a deep anger emerges that, in many cases, only subsides when they kick or chemically exterminate the peaceful mushrooms from the grass.

Furthermore, these peaceful organisms are edible! So much for conservation.

We regularly eat mushrooms from urban areas, despite the toxins that you find in all cities. But we take precautions. Typical herbicides applied to lawns don't bother us, unless they've been applied within the previous few days, but we don't eat mushrooms growing along old railroad beds, because mushrooms absorb heavy metals.

It's good to have standards.

YouTube and other social media sites are also filled to the gills with well-meaning yokels pushing the rabble to treat lawns and woodlands as grocery stores. They generally provide a disclaimer somewhere ("Take my advice at your own risk!"), but then proceed to dispense their rules of thumb for sorting yummy 'shrooms from lethal ones. They are not mutually exclusive properties, by the way. Here's some internet fun.


So, after telling us how deadly mushrooms can be and that he only eats species without look-a-likes, he shows us some blewits that have toxic look-a-likes and tells us to do extensive research on our own. Hmm. Blewit has two meanings here. There are 8 more minutes of Joshua's wisdom in the original video.

The title of this video led me to think that they were going to show us six mushrooms. They showed us three species and 11 individual mushrooms. Obviously, they are on a low budget. I have to wonder whether they bothered to find actual photos of the three species they named. No worries about look-a-likes or fatal mistakes here. No disclaimers. But what can you expect from a production outfit called Blackhole?

I wonder if the toadstool pushers ever considered that their posts can be accessed anywhere on earth and that their folksy tips for distinguishing a yummy Wisconsin meat muffin from a destroying angel won't necessarily work in Georgia or California? Nor do they seem to care that half the population has below average ability to identify mushrooms. (I did the math.)

This is not to say that the internet's approach is completely without merit. I think we have to agree that the road to modern culinary diversity was paved with the corpses of those conned into testing the edibility of various natural items.

     "Hey, Grog, me dare you eat slime brain from log."
     "Me not sure, Steve, it red like death berry."
     "Apple red, cherry red, ketchup red..." 
     "You right, me eat ... <slurp> ... Taste like dirt, with nutty undertones .... Uh oh, can't feel
     face, Steve ... Eye come loose! ... Kidneys not work!"
     "Oh, no, Grog! Dialysis not invented for 10,000 years! Hold on, hold on!"
     "Glarp ... Ploop ... Ack!
     "Aloha, Grog. No worry, me comfort wife ... Mental note: no eat red slime brain from log."

We owe a debt to primitive food scientists like Steve for both eliminating Grog from the gene pool (and the name pool) and enriching our dietary choices beyond mammoth meat, onions and other people's head lice. Well done. Despite its several virtues, the old-school approach is justly frowned upon these days on ethical and legal grounds, at least as a matter of stated public policy. On the other hand, natural selection will continue to operate on an informal basis in perpetuity, transcending our collective morality and laws.



Clearly a sort of morality play, but still ...
As one would hope, poison control officials and professional mycologists do not share the laissez faire values of the worldwide web when it comes to public health, a sensitivity forged perhaps while identifying pieces of toadstools from the gut contents of the unlucky and the ill advised, although only occasionally as part of an autopsy. The North American Mycological Association (NAMA) provides a list of the mycotoxin-based afflictions that can arise from grazing on mushrooms. Muscarine, for example, takes effect in less than an hour after 'shroom consumption. Its effects seem to involve every conceivable bodily pore and orifice: excessive salivation, perspiration, lactation, tearing, vomiting, diarrhea. Not usually fatal, but quite a ride. The mycotoxin amantin has a 50% mortality rate if left untreated, but that can be brought down to 10% in a hospital. For a day or so, the amanitin asymptomatically destroys the liver and kidneys. Then there is a day of vomiting and diarrhea followed by apparent recovery. After a day of ignorant bliss, the effects of degenerating liver and kidney function finally kick in and its pretty much downhill from there. The toxins in some 'shrooms aren't known yet. Something in Paxillus involutus causes hemolytic anemia in people who have eaten it for years without any other negative effects. Sneaky. Some toxins only kick into gear when the diner consumes alcohol along with the relevant mushrooms.

I think it can be argued that there are no safe wild mushrooms. I know, I know ... you've eaten this or that wild spore-bearing structure for years with no problems. Congratulations. But that's not the point. Promoting the consumption of wild mushrooms to the general public via the internet is dooming our gullible neighbors to pain, injury or worse. 

Does Mr. Smarty Pants, the great mushroom hunter, know that one of his faves, the morel, can be quite nasty? Morels look like little brains on a stick, there are big light-colored ones and small dark-colored ones, all hollow. I admit that morels do seem to occupy the safer side of the spectrum and, in fact, I picked and ate quite a few as a kid in Michigan. They are certainly a tasty conveyance for salt and grease, a trait that inspires an annual northward migration of fungivores and a non-trivial tourist industry fueled by numerous "mushroom festivals". But morel madness should be tempered a little by this excerpt from NAMA's Toxicology Report for 2015-2016.

As has frequently been the case in the past, Morchella species were cited in so many cases that were they not so delicious and so commonly eaten, I would be tempted to call morels poisonous...

Raw or under-cooked morels cause intestinal cramping, vomiting and diarrhea. NAMA's 30-year Summary Report notes a case of 400 people being served raw morels at a banquet in British Columbia, over 70 people were stricken. The lines at the restrooms (and the restrooms themselves) were horrendous ... just awful ... not to mention the conditions of potted plants and other handy receptacles. Clean up on Aisle 7!

Also, Mr. Pants, did you know that most fungi, including morels, concentrate toxins and heavy metals in their tissues? Hmm? Well, maybe you should think twice about eating your fancy toadstools from that old apple orchard, with its decades of accumulated pesticide residue in the soil. And what about those false morels, Gyromitra esculenta, which produce the toxin gyromitrin? This stuff hydrolyzes into the highly volatile and carcinogenic monomethylhydrazine, which is used by NASA as part of their rocket fuel cocktail. (Fortunately, the chef inhales most of it as it escapes from the pan during the cooking.) Do we still think morels are totally safe?

All this mayhem begs a theological question: Why would a merciful, loving god place temptations like yummy-looking deadly mushrooms so close to good fungivorous people? Is this just another case of 'mysterious ways'? Actually, Padre, I don't think it is that big of a mystery if you read the Old Testament. Yahweh was bigger on testing than No Child Left Behind. Maybe he wants you to use that big morel in your head for something other than finding new routes to the ER. In any event, showing up at the pearly gates as a result of eating some mushrooms that happened to pop up in the yard must be a source of some embarrassment. [Interestingly, the Bible says nothing specific about mushrooms. The only significant reference to fungi at all occurs in Leviticus, where there's inordinate concern with mold and mildew, which were apparently much more potent back in the day. Clean up required such things as fire and priestly interventions. Scrubbing bubbles were still a long way off, people. Count your blessings.]

Oh, well... The obvious and alarming implications drawn from the juxtaposition of the enthusiastic "eat now, ask questions later" internet crowd and the sobering toxicology reports from the mycologists seemed to scream out for comment. So, I commented.


Now ... to the fungi!

Chlorophyllum molybdites. Green-gill Mushroom or Vomiter. This is a very common species in lawns in the eastern United States. They are large, white and often grow in fairy rings. It's also responsible for a whole lot of mushroom poisonings. When cooked and consumed, this 'shroom will cause a couple days of severe diarrhea and vomiting as well as chills, headache, salivation and perspiration. Apparently, if you eat it raw, you can experience all of the above as well as blood erupting from both the in-hole and the out-hole.


Pseudoinonotus dryadeus (=Inonotus dryadeus). Warty Oak Polypore, Oak Bracket, Weeping Conk, Butt Rot, etc. This fungus is usually associated with older deciduous trees, especially oaks. Their appearance at the base of a tree indicates that the roots in that area are rotting. Gradually, the unseen mycelium encircles the tree base (butt) and makes its presence known by sending up "conks", cork-like excrescences that ooze fluid for a time, harden, yellow and eventually blacken as they themselves decay. A tree encircled by conks is a dangerous tree, ready to be pushed over by the next big wind. There are a couple of big, old willow oaks (pictured) on the east end of McKeldin Mall with fairly heavy infestations; that is, surrounded about half way by conks, so half their butts are rotten.

Phallus rubicundus. A stinkhorn fungus. I was happy to see these, although not as happy as they were to see me, it seems. This species is distributed almost worldwide in tropical and subtropical regions, but it apears to have been transported to Maryland and other more temperate regions in wood mulch.This species has a pink, orange or reddish stalk tipped with a reticulated cap that's covered in olive-brown slime. The spore-bearing slime has a putrescent odor that attracts insects, mostly flies. The spores attach to the flies' feet and mouthparts, which deliver the sludge to fertile grounds elsewhere. It seems unlikely that the redness of the stalk has anything to do with attracting flies; aside from some bees and butterflies, most insects can't distinguish red from gray. However, red is seen by a lot of diurnal vertebrates, so it may be a warning to them that this thing is nasty and to leave it be. I found these perky beauties in a planting in front of the School of Public Health, but I have seen dried up remnants elsewhere around campus recently, always in mulch.
 

More Fungi from Campus Mulch

Left: Parasola plicatilis. Pleated Inky Cap or similar coprinoid mushroom. Pretty and delicate, but I guess there are lot of fungi with these characteristics. Need a microscope to check out the veil tissue and spores.
Middle: Bird's Nest Fungus (Agaricaceae). A diverse family. The fungus emerges as a bulb, most, like those pictured, with a cap that pops off exposing a cup with several spore-bearing structures, the "bird's eggs". The cup is shaped so that when a well-aimed raindrop hits the nest, one or more eggs will be propelled out. What happens next is anybody's guess. Tranported by water, perhaps.
Right: Clavulina critata. Crested coral fungus. There are several similar species in this genus. This one branches fairly extensively and each stalk ends with a cluster of points.



Rachel Carson Conservation Park Left: Scleroderma citrinum. Common Earthball or Pigskin Poison Puffball. Common in rich woodland soil or rotting wood. Its solid tissue turns purple before producing spores, the outer surface rots and peels away exposing the spores, spores are then disseminated by wind or water. NAMA notes that members of this genus are mistaken for edible puffballs and that consumption results in violent vomiting and diarrhea, sometimes leading to hospitalization. No human deaths are known, but dogs and pigs have died after eating them.
Middle: Stereum ostrea. False Turkey Tail. This looks like a shelf or bracket fungus, especially the Turkey Tail (Trametes versicolor), but it is not a close relative. Apparently, there is a limit to what the fungivore crowd will try to eat; not enough meat on the bone, I suppose. No reports of anybody eating or being poisoned by this one.
Left: Sparassis spathulata. A cauliflower fungus, one of several species. Sparassis crispa is the one that the fungivores look for. Pretty. Looks more like a coral than a cauliflower, though.

OK. These aren't fungi. Just testing.

Left: Fruit of the skunk cabbage (Symplocarpus foetidus). These plants are widely distributed in freshwater wetlands in Maryland. Its sessile spathe is among the first flowers to appear in the spring and is able to generate its own heat to melt through the snow. A putrid odor attracts pollinating flies and beetles and the tissues produce a sulfurous stink when damaged. The leaves are very large, up to 20 inches long and a foot wide. They are the winter hangout for our only species of stalk-eyed fly Sphyracephala brevicornis.
Right: Fuligo septica (Dog Vomit Slime Mold). This is an old patch I found on campus. It's common on mulch after rain and is yellow or tan when fresh. They live as a plasmodium, a multinucleated blob encased in a cell membrane that oozes and flows through the soil absorbing organic material. At some point, it (they?) enter a reproductive phase where some nuclei generate spores and others form the scaffolding for these spores.  So, some nuclei sacrifice themselves so that others can reproduce. They provide a hint as to how multicellularity might have evolved. They are not fungi or animals but are closely related to them in the broad scheme of things. Oddly, some folks in Mexico gather the plasmodium when it comes to the surface at night and fry them up like scrambled eggs.


Enjoy the beauty and diversity of wild fungi, but keep them out of your mouth, please.

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The following video is an hour-long lecture by mycologist Dr. Paul Kroeger titled Darwin's Elves. The title is derived circuitously from the antithetical definitions of the word "Gift" in English and German. The content is very good. However, the quality of the video/audio is not super. I was happy to learn that my quick and informal take on mushroom mania is pretty much the same as Dr. Kroeger's.